What Can Never Be
by PureBlood Vampira
Summary: For one night, two lovers separated by time, spouses, duty and a dark lord come together to create what can never be. Lucius/Bellatrix


Lucius regarded his sister-in-law for a moment noting her distant stare and the way she absent-mindedly scratched at the oak table. He cast his eyes down. His heart was heavy and for a brief moment anger flared up within him. The Bellatrix he remembered the one he had grown to love in his youth at Hogwarts was gone only a flesh covered shell remained.

She had been vivacious, carefree. The Bellatrix of his youth had had a knack for pranks and a deep love for him. He looked up just in time to catch her sneering at him as if she had heard his thoughts and had a front row seat to the memories of them strolling through the gardens of his home.

He returned her gaze. She rolled her eyes before once again turning back to scratch at the table. She looked bored and Lucius could have sworn he saw the tell-tell signs of depression etched in her features. He reluctantly averted his gaze and gave the death eaters gathered around his table a once over and sneered to himself. If only he would have done things differently. He sat back in his chair resisting the urge to allow his head to fall backward against raised back.

Lucius still remembered the garden and oddly enough he wondered did she remember as well. He had replayed that September afternoon over in his mind for twenty years. Each time he had taken Narcissa in his attempt to produce an heir he thought of her. Those soft dark curls that would fall against his face and the firmness of her full breasts in the palms of his hands as she rode him. That rose garden, the same one his wife, her sister, carefully and painstakingly cultivated each summer was where the two of them lost their virginities to one another and vowed their undying love to each other.

He looked over at her, long after she seemed to have forgotten he existed.

* * *

Bellatrix stopped scratching at the table and instead began to draw small circles with her ring finger. From outward appearances she seemed calm, detached but he would never know how being in his presence caused her heart to race. She hated the way Lucius still had her heart and yet she loved him like she loved no other.

She recalled in vivid detail the night at Hogwarts they had made loved and he proposed. They both were foolish to believe their fathers would allow them to carry on in such a fashion. She had hid the ring from her family and had hid her pregnancy from everyone including Lucius. Bellatrix closed her eyes and allowed the memory to stop there.

As far as she knew, the Dark Lord was ignorant of her past before she carelessly joined the ranks. He didn't need to know of Lucius and how her heart still beat for him. That would prove dangerous to all in involved and she wouldn't allow harm to come to him.

She felt him before she heard or saw him and prepared to stand as she cleared her mind.

* * *

For fourteen years, Lucius had longed for her beauty and had mourned the loss of her presence all the while playing the faithful, dutiful husband to a woman he did not love and the doting father to a son he did not want.

Lucius turned his attention to Rodolphus; a hatred for the man rose up within his being and nestled itself just below the surface of his skin. He had done nothing to protect her from the madman the he regretted calling master.

He gripped his cane a little tighter causing the wood to lightly creak.

Severus regarded his friend before leaning over to whisper in his ear.

"Keep your emotions at bay; she doesn't belong to you anymore, nor to her husband," Severus cast his eyes in the general direction of Rhodolphus, "but to him." Lucius knew the 'him' that Severus spoke of.

He looked down at the table in front of him. The familiar feeling of shame began to creep in; it had been with him for twenty years now and had grown stronger once she had been snatched from hell's pit and placed before him only to be out of his reach yet again.

The ever elusive redemption had nagged at him for over two and a half years.

He abandoned his thoughts when their master entered. They all rose, Bellatrix the most eager of them all was the first to stand and address the Dark Lord.

The curly head witch hung on to every word and spoke her agreements so seductively they were on the verge of lewdness. Bile rose up in his throat.

He the pair's interaction and jealousy reared its ugly head causing him to shift forward slightly in his chair.

Severus lightly tapped the man's foot with his own. However light the tap, it caused him to fall back into the present. He did not need to draw attention to himself or cause the Dark Lord to seek him out.

They had their assignments; he along with Bellatrix, Dolohov, and a few others would break into the Ministry to seize the prophecy from Potter after the boy retrieved it. He wanted to roll his eyes; the things that seemed simple enough were of course never simply.

The Dark Lord stood and looked at Bellatrix lustfully before beckoning her over to him; Lucius had to fight the urge to roll his eyes at the display. He had never known his love to behave so wantonly. The Dark Lord disapparted with Bellatrix immediately following suit. He sat staring at the spot the dark haired witch had vacated.

The remaining death eaters left following the departure of the Dark Lord. Severus was the only one to remain.

"After all this time, Lucius?"

He sighed and looked at his longtime friend and held up his hand, "don't. You have no idea how it use to be. How she use to be?" He placed both hands on the table.

"No, I don't; but I must advise against whatever foolish plan you have to reclaim your lost love. You are lucky the Dark Lord was too preoccupied with thoughts of getting between Bellatrix's thighs to notice your emotional state this evening."

Lucius hissed at the man's words before turning on Severus, "you have no idea, Severus none!" he shouted.

"I would also advise you to keep your voice down. The last thing you need is for Narcissa to hear you. Does she know about you and Bellatrix's previous dalliances?"

"No, I mean she had her concerns but I assured her everything was platonic between us." He sat down in the chair heavily.

"I should have told her the truth back then."

"Maybe, old friend, it is time to let her go. She has been lost for some time now Lucius, remember Narcissa and your vow to her if the Dark Lord was to sense your affections and kill you how long do you think she would last? And what would become of Draco? Do not sacrifice the lives of two innocent people for a memory." Severus vanished in a swirl leaving the blond to his thoughts and regrets.

* * *

He sat there for close to an hour. The grandfather clock alerted him to Midnight's arrival and he made his way to his and Narcissa's bedchamber. He climbed the stairs slowly hoping Narcissa was asleep. He did not have the energy nor the patience to soothe and reassure her.

Severus' words weighed heavily on his mind.

A shifting in the wards caused him to pause outside the bedroom door. Curious he made his way down the hall and to the room that Bellatrix had claimed for herself. Upon her release, she refused the guest wing and wanted to reside in the family one instead. He allowed himself to believe it was because she wanted to be near him. His heart jumped at the thought.

Lucius stood outside the door before he raised his hand to knock but decided against it and took his chances with entering the room.

Upon entering he found the bathroom door ajar and heard the sound of running water along with a faint humming. A feeling of want ran through him and he sat on the edge of the bed in fear that he would collapse if he remained standing. He sat listening to the water and Bellatrix's humming. He took several deep breaths hoping to steady his nerves; only she could awaken the butterflies from cocoons he had long thought dried up and withered away.

* * *

Bellatrix stood letting the hot water cascade down her back the water wasn't hot enough to wash away all traces of him. She dry heaved before collapsing to her knees in the shower. She felt the ward she had placed on the room shift. She thought it was the Dark Lord coming back for more. She shuddered. It was too soon for another liaison with the Dark Lord and she stood slowly turning off the water and exited the shower. She didn't want to keep him waiting.

* * *

The water stopped and he stood. Moments later, she emerged from the bathroom tying the silk robe at her narrow waist.

She looked up to see Lucius standing by the bed. She seemed taken aback and startled before her face took on a bored expression. Lucius didn't miss the look of relief that momentarily fluttered across her features and he saw her visibly relax. He became curious.

"What do you want Lucius?" she brushed past him and sat at the vanity. She reached for a brush and gently began to run the bristles through her damp hair.

He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"You."

She stopped midair and looked at his reflection in the mirror.

For a moment he saw Bellatrix, the nineteen year girl in the garden. Her eyes had softened before once again becoming cold, hard.

"You know that can never be. We can never be." She whispered not once taking her eyes off him.

He walked forward slowly standing behind her, "why is that Bella?" he asked placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Because of the Dark Lord, you know I belong to him and only him." He removed his hand from her shoulder as if he had been burned.

"If you like being used a whore, then so be it. I figured you were better than that." He hissed.

She looked hurt and Lucius regretted those words instantly. Bellatrix averted her gaze and placed the hair brush back on the vanity.

"You know nothing!" she spat turning around. She stood and faced him, "what do you think would happen if I denied his advances, if I didn't let him come to me. No one says no to the Dark Lord including me. You think I like this; you think I like being degraded."

"Forgive me, I should…" the sting of her hand colliding with his face caused his head to snap to the right. He brought his gaze back on her. He wasn't angry for he felt it was well deserved for his cowardice all those years. He had nothing to offer as penance for the years he had lived comfortably nestled behind the gates of Malfoy Manor while her youth and sanity slipped away; he lived lavishly while she rotted in hell.

"You don't deserve my forgiveness! You have know idea the things I have to do, things I've had to do" she shouted.

Tears began to roll down her cheeks, "where were you? I waited for you," she began to beat his chest. Lucius stood there taking it.

"Lucius, where were you? I cried out for you and you weren't there. Every night when that guard would come in and rape me, it was you I cried out to for help and you weren't there. I needed you." She stopped beating his chest and collapsed against him. He dropped his cane as he engulfed her in his arms guiding them to the floor.

He held her against him as tears clouded his eyes. Guilt gnawed at him. He should have used his influence for better accommodations for her or had bribed the Wizengamot to give her a lighter sentence. He was unaware of her ill treatment and her confession of rape clenched his heart and threatened to rip him further apart.

* * *

Sleep had been a hard fought and lost battle for Narcissa and she had lain awake hoping Lucius was safe and on his way upstairs. The faint shouting of a woman caused her to sit up. She waited hoping it was just her imagination playing tricks on her.

She heard a woman shouting again. Her mind immediately went to her sister and she rose pulling her robe off the bed and quickly onto her shoulders.

She stood in the hall holding her wand at her side looking down the long hall to the door of Bellatrix's room. Narcissa could see light coming from underneath the door. Slowly, she made her way down the hall taking in the pitiful looks the portraits kept giving her as she walked past.

Outside her sister's door she raised her hand to lightly tap on the dark oak. She halted her movements when she heard her husband's voice.

Confusion and worry overtook her as Narcissa placed her ear to the door and listened.

* * *

"Please forgive me Bella, my Bella," he began to shower her with kisses, "I love you, I am so sorry."

She looked up at him searching his face for any signs of deceit. "After all these years; after everything, you still…" she trailed off but she didn't have to finish for Lucius to understand what he was being asked.

"I never stopped," he gently took her chin in his hand, "no one compares to you," he lowered his lips onto hers and she parted them allowing him to deepen the kiss as she brought her hands up and buried them in his hair.

Bellatrix held on to him for dear life; she wanted to tell him that it was the memories of the garden, the nights spent huddled under a blanket on the astronomy tower that she replayed over on a loop in her mind, those were the memories that helped her hold onto what little sanity she had left.

* * *

Narcissa's hand flew over her mouth at the words spoken as tears sprang to her eyes. She backed away from the door slowly. She wanted to blame what she had heard on her imagination or some background noise that had obscured the two voices in the room allowing her brain to fabricate what she had heard.

Narcissa knew that wasn't the case. It wasn't her imagination and there was no background noise; the house was eerily silent. Her suspicions had been confirmed and she turned on her heel fleeing to the master bedroom. She quietly shut the door and fell back against the cool wood. Her breathing became short and she feared that she would pass out.

She began to shake as she slid to the floor sobbing into the moonlit room.

* * *

Bellatrix broke the kiss first.

"Stop, stop please."

He reluctantly stopped and continued to hold her.

"We could run away together; hide until everything is over," he said pulling her tighter against him.

"We can't do that, not to Cissy. It would break her heart. Not to mention the Dark Lord doesn't part with his possessions so easily," she hissed as she moved to stand. He helped her up not once releasing her out of fear that it would all be another dream.

He stroked her face lightly as she closed her eyes leaning into his touch.

"Just for tonight can we pretend that things were as they should have been? Allow me to make love to you, Bella."

Her eyes flew open and she stared deep into his grey orbs getting lost in them as she had done on numerous occasions in the past.

She placed her hands deep in his hair brushing his scalp with her long nails.

She answered him by pulling his body flush against hers and pulling him in for a kiss. He let his hands roam her body, tracing familiar curves. Bellatrix began to claw and pull at his shirt popping buttons as she eagerly sought his flesh. She needed to feel his body to confirm that he was real. She needed his body to imprint it onto the one that was at the forefront of her mind.

Slowly she guided them toward the bed and the two collapsed upon it.

Their lovemaking was slow; they both had tears in their eyes as they brought each other to orgasm. Once they were both spent, the two lovers laid on their sides looking at one another.

Lucius watched her as she traced his features with her index finger. He played with her curls relishing in their softness.

Sleep at some point overtook them and they both woke in the late morning entwined in each other's arms.

He dressed reluctantly; she watched him as he did so. Lucius didn't look at her. He couldn't because if he did he knew he would be lost. He would happily die fighting the Dark Lord for her; he would abandon his wife, his son for her.

Once fully dressed, he kept his back to her afraid she would see the heartbreak in his eyes. After dressing and standing in the quiet of the room he finally turned to her and keeping his eyes downcast said his goodbyes.

Bellatrix watched him leave and as the door barely closed she let out a heart wrenching sob as she bawled up on the bed.

Her cries died down the further Lucius walked down the hall. He fought hard against turning around, rushing back into her room and gathering the curly haired witch into his arms.

He stopped outside the door to his bedroom; he breathe in deep in an attempt at wrangling in his emotions. Lucius eased opened the door hoping to find Narcissa asleep. He was disappointed to find her awake and sitting in a chair by the window.

Narcissa watched her husband as he stripped down to his silk boxers and made a beeline for the bathroom.

"Where were you?" she asked; she already knew the answer but anticipated a lie.

He halted his movement, "there were some loose ends I had to handle. Ministry business for the Dark Lord."

"I see; with my sister?" she asked and watched him go stiff before he schooled his features into one of annoyance.

"Your sister is the Dark Lord's right hand and chief council in all matters..." he began but didn't finish due to her interrupting him.

"My sister is the Dark Lord's whore and you are still in love with her, aren't you Lucius?" she paused genuinely wanting him to answer. "You don't have to lie, Lucius, but then again we have lived a lie for twenty years now."

He studied her and from the way her red rimmed eyes was alight with anger he could tell she knew.

"Would you like to take about it, Narcissa?"

She stood and headed for the door, "no, you and Bella talked enough, if not, I surely heard enough," she brushed past him. She placed her hand on the handle and paused looking over her shoulder to address him once again.

"I will stay in the guess wing and continue to play the role as your dutiful wife until your lord and master's ill-conceived plans go awry. Once everything is over, if we live through this nightmare, I want a divorce. Do you understand, Lucius?"

He stood, shocked at her words before simply nodding and whispering, "yes."

"Good," she opened the door, "and another thing Lucius, next time you and Bella decided to confess secrets of the heart you might want to use a silencing charm. I don't think fucking the Dark Lord's mistress would go over too well with him if he were to find out," with that she quirked an eyebrow and left Lucius standing in the middle of room alone.


End file.
